the man knew his elbows

Marlon Brando's secret sex trick: 'Elbowism'

by Lisa Fitterman

The Gazette (Montréal)
Friday, March 11, 2005

MONTREAL - Okay, girls. Tell me if you've heard this one before: You've just had a rousing session of lovemaking and your partner, who has whispered or even shouted sweet nothings to you during the act, simply turns over and starts snoring within seconds.

I'm pointing no fingers, mind you, but I know it happens.

After such a gloriously intimate act, some people (read: men) can speedily -- and sleepily -- separate themselves from their significant other. Not that the poor shlubs can help it, according to an academic study out of England that was released last month.

Sleep researchers at Surrey University found that a brain chemical is released immediately following orgasm that makes men feel very sleepy.

The blood rush after climax apparently depletes the muscles of energy-giving glycogen.

All you runners out there know what I mean when I refer to "hitting the wall," the point at which you keep your body moving only through sheer will.

Of course, while I'll hit the wall at, say, 20 miles, most guys tend to hit it right after orgasm because they have more muscle mass than women do.

The most they can do before rolling over is yawn and grunt "good night" or whatever.

What to do? How to take the "boring snoring" out of your Casanova?

Why not teach him a little trick practised by no less than Marlon Brando? The late actor was a legendary ladies' man who, before becoming grossly fat and reclusive, apparently bedded scads of women, including Ursula Andress and Marilyn Monroe.

Once, when pop anthropologist Desmond Morris asked his friend Brando why the actor was so successful with the ladies, he replied that he'd always been a great "elbowist."

Contrary to what you might think, this art of "elbowism" does not mean employing one's sharp joints to push competition aside, making your partner scream in shiatsu-like ecstasy or knowing how to gently and diplomatically cut off conversation.

Instead, it's the exact opposite: The ability to prop yourself up on your elbows and talk and listen, or at least look like you're listening, for as long as it takes.

"Women love talk," Brando told Morris.

You bet we do.

For us, talking equals emotional closeness. It's our reassurance that we aren't mere vessels or tools to an end, where any body will do. We need to feel wanted and loved.

Yep, I really like Brando's concept. It's simple, to the point (so to speak) and I can only hope that English-language dictionaries take note and include it in their next editions.

I can see the entry now: "elbowism (el-bo-iz-em), noun. The art of propping oneself up on one's elbows and talking, especially after sex. Variations: elbowist (el-bo-ist), noun or adjective. One skilled at the art of elbowism."

Think of it as Brando's lasting gift to humankind, along the lines of On the Bedroom Front.

"So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."